Complaint...

I intend to tell all that I feel about my health today! Don’t be surprised at my feelings as I try not to complain very much but I feel very ornery at the moment.

When I first found that I had diabetes I felt “No big deal I will just act like I had nothing wrong with me.”, this was a big childish mistake as I was only twelve at the time. My problems have mostly risen from the fact that I never changed this attitude that “I am just going to act as if I were normal”. Since then I have gone totally blind in the left eye and legally blind in the other and this is the worst thing that could happen. I truly wish that I had paid attention to the doctors and to my mother as they were only concerned for my health.

I have put Diana through a living he__ as I would go through insulin reactions without knowing what I was doing or what was going on around me and I am sure I affected many others as well.

Each of the following incidents caused me pain and nausea without me even realizing it.
Ø Renal transplant
Ø Heart attack 7 in total
Ø Loss of both legs
Ø Loss of the ability to use left hand and arm for much beside balancing on
And the worst of all is the stroke which has left me without the capacity to think clearly about most things. This is the reason that I had to take a disability retirement. It is the reason that Diana has to do so much more than a normal wife should have to do, she has to act as if I were not even here with the exception of my little income.

And eve worse than the stroke is the poor way I treated my children so they don’t even want to have much to do with me now.

Diana asks me why I don't complain about the raw deal I was given in this life and my answer has always been that each of us were given the choice of what would happen to us and this is what I chose. So why have I done so many sinful things if I believe this so strongly? Answer: That is the sixty-four thousand dollar question.

So I have come to a point where I am incapable of doing much more than existing, well I told you at the start that I am in a foul mood today!